i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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