my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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