Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
