Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
