we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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