Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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