Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
