My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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