i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
