I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
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