dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
