yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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