Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
