I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So squirting runs in the family.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
