If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
