The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
