Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
