So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
