its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
