haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
