Umm I'm too high to move.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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