Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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