remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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