Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
