dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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