If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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