My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They have beer where we have blood.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He did a backflip because drugs
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