Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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