I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
