she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
