I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
