i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
