Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
