Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
