I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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