About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
