I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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