I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
