..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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