i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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