I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
