help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
