You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
