We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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