Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
