$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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