If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
