I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
