Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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