As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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