from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
