I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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