she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
