I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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