He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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