Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
