I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
