I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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