Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
