Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
