In the future we'll all be gay
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
