my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
