Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
