Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize