"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
