I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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