the day after is always just damage control
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
