Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
