Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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