She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
