:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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