No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
