I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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